Stopping to Blame ‘Something’ or ‘Someone’
When someone is doing something or is about to do something, in a way we don’t want it to be done and when we are not able to accept it, we become angry.
However, When someone is doing something or is about to do something, in a way we don’t want it to be done - and we are able to accept it- we remain tolerant.
When someone has something which we don’t have, or someone is able to produce the results which we are not able to produce- and we are not able to accept it – we become jealous.
When someone has something which we don’t have, or someone is able to produce the results which we are not able to produce and we are able to accept it we get inspired.
Then emotional equation is quite simple.
Something + Acceptance = Positive Emotion
Something + Non Acceptance = Negative Emotion
So, it is not ‘something’ or ‘someone’ who is making us feel positive or negative, but it is our ‘acceptance’ or ‘non acceptance’ of something or someone, which is making us feel positive or negative.
It isn’t the world but the quality of our response to the world that determines the quality of our emotions. Next time we feel disturbed with a negative emotion, instead of asking who or what is disturbing us, we will examine who or what we are resisting (not accepting) that is causing this disturbance in us. We will replace resistance (non acceptance) with acceptance, and the negative emotion will turn into a positive one.
Emotional management begins by stopping to blame that ‘something’ or ‘someone’ and starting to take the responsibility to respond life with ‘acceptance’.
Taking Responsibility This is a very important principle. As an adult, you are soley responsible for all the choices in your life. So many people look to blame others or circumstances for the things that are not right in their lives. This attititude is self-delusional; pretty much every long term situation that happens to us in adult life can be traced back to some decision or lack of decision made by us either at a conscious or subconscious level sometime in the past. Once we stop denying, blaming and whining and accept that we had our part to play in the circumstance, then we are in a better position to move forward and to learn from our mistakes. What people often forget is that it is most often by our mistakes that we learn, if we deny our mistakes or fail to take responsibility we fail to learn and improve. And you know, it is often those who go out into life, make mistakes and try again that are the most interesting people. Every mistake, every catastrophy is a life experience, part of their life story. By getting out there, not being frightened of making mistakes, learning from each chapter of their lives, they grow in wisdom and as a person. We all want to avoid mistakes and do things well, but when things go wrong you should embrace the moment as an opportunity to learn and do better next time. We must also recognize that we are responsible for the way we respond to people, actions, and events in our life. In fact in my view one of the key determinants of how we perform in life, is not defined by what actually happens to us, but rather how we respond to the events life puts in our way. If your relationships with others if not going well, you need to examine your own behaviour. It is often the case that people you interact with will "mirror" your attitude at a subconscious level. So if you are angry or full of resentment, this may come accross in your words or body language and you will receive an angry or resentful response. The reality is that if you had approached the situation in a positive and open frame of mind, the outcome would almost certainly have been considerably different, with a positive outcome. You are responsible for your now. If you hold anger or resentment or hurt for people or events in the past, it is important to try to deal with this, read the section on forgiveness. Remember we often blame people from the past or hold resentment, but the reality is that they may well have done the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background, and awareness. Life is a rich tapestry and sometimes the threads that run through it contain hurt and pain. Remember nothing is finished until it is done, do not let those threads define your whole picture, rather let them highlight the threads of joy and love that you can choose to weave into your life. You have a choice. Failing to take responsibility The consequences for not taking responsibility can be very serious indeed and typically end-up defining your whole life. The typical indicators for failing to take responsibility are... People pleaser Terms used to describe those who have not accepted personal responsibility? martyrs. self-pitying, depressed, losers, quitters, chronically angry, dependent personalities, complainers, addictive personalities, blamers, stubborn, persons in denial, troubled people, stuck, fearful, pessimists, despondent, mentally unstable, obstinate, hostile, aggressive, irresponsible, weak, guilt ridden, resistant to help, passive, irrational, insecure, neurotic, obsessed, lost How to start taking Responsibility In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the ability to:
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